How do I get my child to listen to me?

Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant

This is a question we get asked regularly! Do you feel like you're talking, asking, requesting, or even pleading with your little one, only to get no response or action? It can be exhausting, draining, and incredibly frustrating when all you hear is your own voice All. Day. Long!!

There are several reasons why your child might not be listening to you. Some of these include:

1. Distracted or focusing on something else
When children are deeply immersed in play or an activity that interests them, they often become so focused that they don’t hear you. Think about a time when you were working, on your phone, or deeply engaged in something, and someone tried talking to you—did you hear them right away? It’s the same for children. Play is a child’s work, and they can become so absorbed that shifting their attention to something else takes time.

 2. Hunger or Tiredness
When children are tired or hungry, they often struggle to process requests, and they may become "hangry" (hungry + angry), which can lead to resistance. At these moments, it’s harder for them to comply or focus on what you’re asking.

 3. Not feeling listened to
If your child feels like you're always asking them to do something without listening to what they have to say, they may become less likely to listen to you. Just as adults need to feel heard, children do too. Give them a chance to express their thoughts, feelings, or needs, even if you disagree with what they’re saying. This teaches them the value of listening and helps them understand what it feels like to be heard.

4. Not understanding the concept of time
A common reason children don’t listen is that they don’t yet have a clear sense of time or urgency. They may not understand why it’s important to leave at a specific time, why you need to get ready quickly, or why getting to appointments on time is necessary. For them, it’s more about, "I’m still playing, so I’ll go when I’m done!" This can make it feel like they’re not listening when in fact, they just don’t yet grasp the importance of time.

5. Too many instructions at once
As adults, we’re used to juggling multiple tasks and knowing what needs to be done. But children live in the moment and can often feel overwhelmed when given multiple instructions at once. For them, it can feel like information overload, which may cause them to tune out or only follow one or two instructions (if you're lucky!). Breaking tasks down into smaller, manageable pieces will help them focus better.

6. Testing cause and effect
Sometimes, children test boundaries and behaviours to see how you will respond. They are learning about cause and effect. If they do something and notice a reaction from you, they may repeat the behaviour to see if it gets the same result. This is a normal part of their development.

Here are our 11 Top Tips to help:

1. Stay calm
   This is easier said than done, but staying calm is key. Getting wound up, frustrated, or angry can make the situation worse. When you raise your voice, it often leads to similar reactions from your child, and no one wins. Take a deep breath and approach the situation calmly. (Read our blog – ‘How do I keep calm when my little one is having a meltdown?’ here)

2. Connect before you redirect
   We often talk about the importance of connection before redirection. For both children and adults, feeling connected is essential for listening. Spend 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time with your child, engaging in what they enjoy. This strengthens your bond and makes them more likely to listen when you need them to.

3. Allow extra time for transitions
   If the morning routine or other transitions are particularly challenging, consider adjusting your schedule to allow for more time. Reducing stress and giving your child more time to process what you’re asking can make a big difference.

4. Avoid overloading their day
   Children need time to recharge, just like adults. Overloading their day with too many activities or transitions can cause stress and make it harder for them to listen. Balance their schedule with enough downtime.

5. Prioritise playtime
   Children need time for play—it’s their way of learning and processing the world. Try to ensure they have opportunities for free play or to engage in activities that interest them, without constantly asking them to "switch gears."

6. Get your child to repeat back what you said
   This helps ensure they’ve understood what you’ve asked. It also reinforces the importance of listening and following instructions.

7. Make sure they feel heard
   Give your child the chance to express themselves. When they feel heard, they are more likely to listen to you in return. It’s all about mutual respect and understanding.

8. Gain their attention first
   Always try to get their attention before giving instructions. Start by saying their name, making eye contact, and using a calm but firm tone of voice. If possible, get down to their level physically so they can focus on you.

9. Avoid overloading with instructions
   Children can only process so much information at once. Breaking instructions down into smaller, manageable steps will help them follow through without feeling overwhelmed.

10. Make it fun or different
    Sometimes, a change in approach is needed. Try giving instructions in a playful way, perhaps by using a funny voice, whispering, or turning it into a game or challenge. This can capture their attention and make the task more engaging.

11. Praise and recognition
    It’s easy to focus on the moments when children aren’t listening, but it’s equally important to praise them when they are. Be specific with your praise: "Wow, I asked you to put on your shoes, and you did it right away—great listening!" Positive reinforcement encourages the behaviour you want to see more of.

It’s normal to feel frustrated when your child doesn’t seem to listen. But understanding the reasons behind their behaviour can help you approach the situation with patience and empathy. By using these strategies, you can help your child learn the valuable skill of listening.

 hile you are here we have lots more blogs on various topics which you can find here, as well as our downloadable webinars on topics such as behaviour and emotions, sleep and toilet training.

Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.

We also have a Podcast ‘Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between’, you can listen here.