Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant

Bedtime and the lead up to it can feel like quite a juggling act especially when you have more than one child to do your bedtime routine with. 

This time of the day is often when we want things to be calm and to be able to give our children opportunities for one-to-one time, but it doesn’t always happen that way!  At the end of the day everyone (including you!) is tired, and bedtime might not always go as you would hope…but that’s ok! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself - it can take time to find what works and it will evolve over time as your little ones get older.

Look at a routine that works for you

As with all routines it needs to be one which works for you and your little ones.  Routines should never be a one size fits all as every family has different needs and preferences.  When finding out what works for you it is important you acknowledge that there is going to be some trial and error as well as understanding that it might not always go as smoothly as you like - factors such as overtiredness, illness, visitors etc can all impact on what happens at this time of the day.  If you have a tricky bedtime one evening try not to see this as it not working and then try something else, it could just be a one off and the more consistent that you can be with the routine every day, the more this will help you and your little ones to know what to expect each evening. 

Bath time first…

If you have bath time as part of your bedtime routine it can be helpful to do this with both children. 

• First of all, have everything that you need to hand: changing mat, towels, nappies, creams, pjs etc so that you are not having to hunt around for things. Preparation is key! I have often got everything out ready when getting little ones up from their afternoon nap; I just put all the things I know I am going to need for bath and bedtime in one place so that I am not having to do this with 2 or more tired children at the end of the day!

• When it comes to actually bathing together, the best way to do this is to get your toddler undressed and into the bath first*.  While they play you can get baby undressed and into their bath support. *always supervise children in the bath - once your little one is in the bath have the baby and everything you need there so that you do not need to leave the bathroom. 

• You will then take your baby out of the bath first and start to get them ready for bed (in the bathroom) while your toddler has their last 5 mins of playing in the bath.  Once you have got baby ready it is time to get your toddler out and ready for bed.  This might be easier to do in your toddler’s room.

If you are not bathing your baby every evening, then you can have baby in the bathroom with you in a bouncy chair or playing on a changing mat on the floor while you bath your toddler, so that they are with you and having a little play and stimulation before bed.  This can be the opportunity to do a little wash, massage, nappy change and get pjs on for your baby so that they are all set and ready to go when your toddler gets out of the bath. This can also be an opportunity to give the start of a feed as this is often a time when babies get quite hungry.  Offering the start of a feed can help to pacify them before you get your toddler out of the bath and ready.

Which room do I do the bedtime routine in?

This again can be personal preference and what works for you, things such as size of the bedrooms etc can all play a part.  Very often it can work well to do much of the routine in your toddler’s bedroom - this allows for your toddler to start winding down for bed in their familiar environment and this is where you can do stories, milk etc.  It can certainly help to have a chair which allows for you all - you, your toddler and baby - to fit!

General hints and tips!

• Encouraging independence in your toddler can be a great help with this process. For example supporting them in practicing getting dressed, choosing their own books etc.

•  Feeding baby while you do stories with your toddler is a good way to help relax baby while also keeping your toddler entertained.

• Keep your bedtime routine simple and consistent, if your toddler has been used to a certain bedtime routine try to stick with this as much as possible as this will help them to settle more quickly and easily. A basic bedtime routine might look like this:

o   Wind down activity

o   Bath

o   Story 

o   Into bed

o   Verse of a song and / or phrase (“beddy byes close your eyes” etc) before saying goodnight

• Avoid screens or toys which light up/flash/play loud music – basically anything that is very stimulating.  You want to keep this time calm and low with dim lighting to help with those sleep hormones being released.

• If you can (and you have the option), ask for help! It can feel overwhelming doing it all yourself while you are getting into a routine and so asking for help is the right thing to do!

 Who to put to bed first?

When looking at your options it will depend on the age of your little ones but also on also their general routine.  It might be that your toddler is actually ready to go to bed before your baby - this is absolutely OK and you can work your routine to fit with this.  Alternatively, it might be that your baby is ready for bed before your toddler and you are wondering what to do with your toddler while you put your baby to bed.  

It’s a good idea to look at the routine for both of your children to see if staggering bedtimes might work well for you.  This might be that your baby is ready for bed at 6.30pm but your toddler is closer to 7pm.  This means that you do the bedtime routine with your baby while you have your toddler playing close by (invitations to play can be a great option for providing entertainment at this time – see point 1 below).  Alternatively, it might be the other way around, with your toddler ready for bed at 7pm but baby is closer to 8pm.  This can lead to things feeling like a never-ending bedtime but it can actually help in the initial stages if doing things at the same time don’t work for your little ones. 

1. My baby is ready for bed before my toddler. It can help to have an activity set up for when you are able to go through to put your baby to bed to keep your toddler entertained - this is often something which they don’t do during the day to give it an added element of interest e.g. threading, puzzles etc. A bedtime basket with different options (just for bedtime) can be a great resource to put together for this time. When it comes to the time to put your baby to bed, it is important to talk through with your toddler what is happening e.g. “I am going to put x to bed now, I would like you to sit in your bed/chair and you can read a book.  I will come back as soon as x is in bed.  We can then do a story and cuddles.”

2. My toddler is ready for bed before my baby. It can help to have your baby in a sling or bouncy chair while you are settling your toddler to bed.  This means that you can have both hands available to do stories but also give those all important cuddles.  If your baby is settled then it might be they can be in a bouncy chair or playmat while you have this time with your toddler to settle them to bed.  Once you have your toddler in bed then you can go on to settle your baby.

As I mentioned at the start of this blog there can be a lot of trial and error to find what works for you and your little ones but with consistency (and cuddles!) it will come.

While you are here you might be interested in our blog ‘My baby / child hates bath time’. You might also want to have a look at our video guides (webinars) on various topics including behaviour, sleep, play, toilet training and more - click here.

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