‘Chores’ and pocket money…

Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant

There is no right or wrong age to start getting children to help out with chores, it is more about what tasks are age appropriate for you to ask them to do.  Firstly, I would try to avoid the word ‘chores’ as this can be seen, and felt, as being quite negative and not something your children are likely to approach with a positive attitude.   In addition, chores could be seen as things that have to be done in order to get a reward, but many ‘chores’ or tasks are expected and required actions of our children as they develop into responsible adults.  

Think about the tasks that need to happen in the home each day and then work from this.  Start with simple tasks such as:

• encouraging your toddler/children to put their clothes in the laundry basket before they get into the bath;

• emptying the water out of the bath toys and putting them away;

• encouraging them to help with dusting by giving them a duster when you are doing the same task;

• getting them to help you with washing up;

• getting them to make their own bed (this can be from toddler age, just getting them to pull their duvet over the bed); 

What they do might not be perfect, and you might need to go back in later and do it properly if needed.  However, by encouraging these things it becomes part of their everyday routine from a young age. This can also help to reduce or stop the need for us to nag or bribe our children (that so many of us do to get them to help!).

Encouraging independence and awareness of what needs to be done around the house can start from the baby or toddler stage.  Simple tasks such as sorting the washing can be something that babies and toddlers love to be involved with.  As I mentioned above, you might find that you need to do some further sorting and organising away from the child afterwards (!), but involving them in the initial stage can build the child’s understanding that these tasks take place.  With babies and toddlers you can start with simple things like putting all the socks in a pile and starting to show how you match them; this is great developmentally for your child in encouraging matching and pairing skills, but it also means that you are doing things together, which your baby or toddler is going to enjoy.  If you have older children, then involve them by getting them to help you to show your younger child how to do things - this is a great opportunity for siblings to interact in a different way.

Tasks that need to happen in the house need to be considered and distributed amongst each member of the house depending on their ability (and this includes the adults!). Children will need to know that there is fairness in the system and that adults take equal responsibility (even if you do so much more that they don’t see!).   Also, think about your child’s interests or abilities, do you have a child who loves water?  If so, get them helping with the washing up or cleaning the car as you will find the task gets completed much more efficiently and quickly if it is something that the child likes and enjoys. 

Try to review the tasks set regularly (every 2-3 months) so that it is still age and stage appropriate for each child and that it continues to play to their strengths and interests as these do change over time.  Also, children will become bored if they have to do the same things day in and day out.  For the older children you could have a trade system, which allows family members to trade a task with another family member (both children and adults), again making the whole task system much more fun and interesting.

Performing these tasks needs to be as much fun as possible.  Think about whether tasks could be done to some upbeat music so that everyone can join in?  Use timers so that you can see how quickly you can all get it done, however, don’t pitch the children against each other e.g. who is the fastest, as this just adds pressure and makes them display competitive traits towards their siblings, when what you really want to encourage is a cooperative approach to the task in hand.  If the children have finished their own tasks earlier than expected, you want them to go and help another sibling or you with your tasks so that you can all finish as a team against the clock! Explaining to the older children that if you all work together it means that you will get more family time can be incentive enough to get them to help out!  It is all about creating a team approach to household tasks and giving children ownership of their responsibilities.

Pocket money

One question that I am regularly asked is whether children should earn pocket money as part of this process.  This very much depends on the age of the children, but it can be a good way of teaching children the value of money and in some ways teaches about the world of work – i.e. you have to work in order to be paid.  My first thought in relation to tasks and pocket money would be that there are some things in the house which just need to be done such as making the bed, washing up/stacking the dishwasher/laundry etc and these are not really something that should earn pocket money.  However, there are a list of additional tasks which don’t need to be done every day, such as washing the car, gardening, running errands (age dependent on this one) which children can choose to do in order to earn some pocket money.  If you have younger children say around 4 years old this can be something like 10p or 20p and then letting them save it up so that they can start to understand the value of money and then buy something they have wanted or asked for themselves.  It can also be a great way of teaching patience as it is not always about just buying something, sometimes we have to save up and wait until we buy something.   Pocket money needs to be fair in relation to the task and also the age of the child, if they start to take on more responsibility then the monetary value needs to increase too but again does not need to be too high, and needs to be consistent.

Doing these tasks can be a beneficial learning opportunity for children as they get older, they learn life skills but also develop a sense of working with family members to create a nicer home environment. There are going to be times when they are resistant or just don’t feel like doing them (much like us) and it is not about nagging them but explaining that this is something that is part of the house rules and they need to help. It is also good to acknowledge and appreciate what they have done and how they have helped so that this gives them the praise needed in order to keep going! 

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