Back to school and nursery after Lockdown: what can we do to help?
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
The last 12 months have been such a strange time and we are all adjusting after spending so much time at home with our family members (possibly more than ever before). We have had to make changes so that we have been able to manage the situation and by doing this we have got into new routines and hopefully made home a place where we can feel safe and secure.
We need to remember that our children will have picked up on these changes and the need to keep safe. They are now getting the messages about going back to school or nursery and they could be worried about this so might be putting up resistance to it – you may be able to see a change in their behaviour or they might be telling you that they are worried.
That back-to-school feeling
As adults we have all experienced this feeling at one time or another, it might have been after the lovely long summer holidays when we were children or it could be as an adult and having that Sunday night feeling before going to back to work on Monday morning. It is not a feeling that any of us enjoy and something our children might be experiencing right now. It is important for us to think about how we can help them.
What could they be worrying about?
This can be age dependent, but it also depends on the child as an individual.
For some children the thought of going back to school or nursery will bring strong feelings about separating from their parent or carer. Many of them will have been exclusively with their family members for the last year and so the thought of them not being there or having to leave them can be worrying and they won’t want to have to say that goodbye.
They may be concerned about what school/nursery will be like when they go back. What will it be like with friends? Have things changed in the classroom, for PE, at play time and general routines of the day.
Children will have heard things on TV, in the news etc about the impact that the pandemic has had on children’s education and what this might mean to them. Some children may therefore be concerned that they have fallen behind or won’t know how to do the work when they get back to school.
Many children are very aware of what they should and shouldn’t be doing in relation to the rules around Lockdown etc. They are also very aware of what other children and their families might doing as well…some of whom are not following the rules. This might lead to your child being worried about what those children might bring into school and what they would do if they were to catch something. This is a very real worry for many of us so it is understandable that our children might feel the same.
What can we do to help?
There are things that we can do to help in this situation, but we do also need to keep in mind that we can’t rush things as this is a process of adjustment for children and adults. It might take weeks or even months for us all to get back into the swing of things.
For all ages:
If you know that your child is particularly worried or anxious about going back to school or nursery then you need to make the teachers or nursery staff aware of how your child is feeling. There will be lots of children in the same situation and the school / nursery may already have strategies in place to help. We know of one school who are doing school tours / visits this week before the return to school so that children who are worried about going in can go to school (before all of their peers) just to speak to their teacher and familiarise themselves with the environment again. Often after a long period of time away from somewhere we can work it up in our mind but when we go to have another look it isn’t how we have imagined or remembered.
Get back into a routine as this will help your child to feel more secure and able to predict what is happening. So, things such as:
Starting this week (if you haven’t already), before going back to school/nursery next week, having a set wake up time each morning, and trying to have a routine to the morning such as getting dressed, having breakfast and brushing teeth by a certain time in the morning.
Bedtime routine - aim for the normal bedtime that you would have when your little one is attending nursery or school as again this helps to set the body clock and get your child back into a routine.
Try to plan meals which your child likes and enjoys for those first few weeks back as again this will help with keeping them relaxed and settled plus eating well.
Get ready with clothes etc the night before so that when it comes to getting ready in the morning it is all out and saves on time but also on having to make choices when they might not be able to focus.
Make plans together for things to do when they get home, enjoyable things rather than going straight in with homework etc. It is likely that they are going to be really tired going back so may just need to have some quiet time when they get home and at the weekends for the next couple of weeks to adjust back into this routine.
Be prepared for behaviour changes and possible high emotions, this is going to be a time of very mixed emotions so we need to have empathy for this and be there to offer reassurance during this time of transition.
Under 5s and Primary
Connect with the person that they are being handed over to. Speak with your child’s key worker or their class teacher to see if there is a way that they can help with the initial separation when your child arrives, such as asking the child to help with tasks in the classroom, or they are there to take your child and hopefully distract them at that moment of separation.
Don’t get there too early. Getting to the school or nursery too early can then mean you are hanging around which can really add to the worry and anxiety. Try to time it so that you arrive and they go straight in.
Always explain that you are coming back. Talk about what you are going to do that evening so that they have something to look forward to.
Can you create a funny story that you tell about going back to school / nursery so that it helps to distract but also remove the pressure and worry. Creating characters but also including friends or adults from the setting in the story can help to talk about them in a different way. If we can look at things with humour and fun it can sometimes stop the worry.
Create little rituals such as doing and saying certain things (other than good-bye). Can you skip or dance there or perhaps play a certain song in the car each morning? Create a game such as being an animal or telling a story so it can help to distract their mind.
Can you create similarity between you and them for your days apart? This might be having the same packed lunch as each other or wearing something which is the same colour (this could be as simple as a hair tie) so that you can have a connection.
Give them something small for their pocket – some people have talked about giving their child a tissue with a familiar smell such as perfume or aftershave, or a piece of wool or string with a bead on it (age dependent) which they can hold and play with during the day when they think of you. This is also similar to drawing a small heart on your hand and on your child’s, you put these together to ‘power them up’ and then, during the day if your child is missing you, they can look at or rub the heart to get some reassurance.
Put together a visual timetable for the day or even the week (depending on the child’s age) as for lots of children being able to ‘see’ their day and what to expect can stop the worry about the unknown and gives them a greater sense of control as they know what is going to happen and when.
Go out for a walk or drive to go past nursery or school so that your child can familiarise themselves again.
Secondary
Explore the worries and what they might be, have open communication with your teenager and don’t be afraid of using emotional language about how they might feeling. The more they feel they can express, the more you will be able to support them.
Try not dismiss their worries as not being worthy of worry, for your teen at this time the worries are real and they need to be respected and valued.
Encourage them to write a journal on how they are feeling - often writing things down can help to put the worries into perspective.
Can they meet up with a friend to go for a walk before returning to school? Seeing a friend before the first day back might help to get that friendship back to a place which is more natural than being on a screen with them. Friendships at this age are so vitally important and for the past year most of them have been via social media or video chat platforms. It might take some time for those friendships to build and get back to being normal and natural in person.
We are experiencing something that our generation has never experienced before and we are trying to find our way. It is completely natural and normal for our children (and us) to be experiencing a wide range of emotions and we need to make sure that we give it time and patience, it will get back to normal in time.
Some resources and books which might help:
While you are here have a look at our video guides on various topics including behaviour, sleep, teens and tweens and more - for information - click here
Don’t forget that we also offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.
We also have a podcast - ‘Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between’ - listen here.
This blog contains affiliate links.